The Story Behind The Song

The Conception

The idea struck me like a strong, sudden wave. I was in Red Box with NMI friends, gazing at the scene in the television that featured a local beach scene while the lyrics of the song flashed on the foreground. The song was entitled Anna. Our boss, Judd, was talking with Ayedee about the story behind the song. I learned that the lyrics were written by Allan for his bride. I thought it might be a good idea to do the same thing for my bride when the time came.

A few months before that, Joanne and I were having dinner with Bugs, Perl and Lali at a restaurant in Metrowalk, Ortigas when the topic of wedding was brought up. The most important thing I got from Bugs is that he regrets scrimping on the video. I agreed with Perl's sentiment about acquiring a ring that was worth wearing a lifetime, giving justice to what it symbolized. Lali's proud recollection of how Perl surprised her with his talents sent me momentarily tumbling into a world of my own, thinking about what surprises I could possibly offer my bride.

There within the four corners of a room in Red Box, amid the joyful chaos of singing, laughter and conversations of friends, I seemed to have found the answer. I made a mental note to explore the idea later, wishing that if I decided to go through with it and the time came to execute, my persistence would be as relentless as the waves of the sea. I brought myself back to reality as the song ended. There wasn't going to be a wedding anyway, at least not in the next two years.

Yin

Seven months before the wedding, Yin, the wedding planner sent from heaven, sent an e-mail inquiring if I was planning any surprise for my bride. In her letter she had given three suggestions in case the idea of giving my bride a surprise had not previously crossed my mind. The first was to sing a song during the bridal march, one I'd dedicate to her for choosing to spend the rest of her life with me. The second was to prepare a multi-media presentation that either featured our love story or simply enumerated the things I loved about her. The third was to present her a gift, timed perfectly when the reception was about to end.

"A gift that isn't necessarily grand but memorable," Yin said.

It was obvious she preferred the first option, citing her own delightful experience during her wedding when Marlon serenaded her with a song during the bridal march. Within that first option, she offered two alternatives: that I could do it at the reception instead or that I could ask someone to sing for me if I wasn't into singing.

In my reply, I told Yin that I preferred the second or third option. I said I didn't want to embarrass myself or my bride by going with the first. Yin replied almost immediately, saying that people wouldn't focus on the quality of my voice but on my intent. Trying to encourage me further, she said I still had more than half a year to practice if I chose to sing.

Yang

The truth is that I had already thought about the possibility of singing the song I would have written for my bride, that is, if I were successful at the first endeavor. Besides, what would have been a better way of delivering a song you've written as a gift other than singing it yourself? (Okay, having Josh Groban, Michael Bublé or David Cook deliver it would guarantee her approval.) But I had valid reasons for thinking twice.

First, I am not a good singer. I wouldn't be able to hit the high notes. When I was a teenager, my mom forced me to join a choir that was competing with several other groups in the region. I remember the first day of practice particularly well. My piano teacher and the choir's coach, Ms. Laureen, asked each one of us to sing the first few lines of Silent Night. I knew even before it was my turn that singing with a choir wasn't my thing. Okay, let me correct that, singing isn't my thing.

"Do you think you can rap?" asked Ms. Laureen.

It was that bad.

Second, even if i did get the tune right and had enough practice, I wasn't sure if I could pull it off. Presenting to the MANCOM or to my project stakeholders was bad enough (of course they don't know this). Singing in front of family and friends was something else. I must be out of my mind to agree to the unthinkable.

Maricar

Valentine's Day was fast approaching and so was our wedding day. If I wanted a shot at what I wanted to accomplish, I needed to at least give it a try. I contacted Maricar, a friend who had discovered her songwriting talent during one of her most inconsolable moments. She was my editor during the last year I wrote for CFA. It was more than a year when I last heard from her.

Maricar replied to my e-mail that very same day. She confirmed what I thought she had hinted in her blog -- she was getting married. She revealed that her fiancé and I shared a common name and that her wedding was set for June 28.

I responded to her and said I needed help with the song for my bride. Along with her next reply was the MP3 of a wedding song she had composed a long way back, which I downloaded and listened to. She asked me to send her the lyrics of my song when I finished it and promised she would try to help me. I could sense she was also busy with her preparations but I knew she was willing to help.

Exactly a week after my correspondence with Maricar, Yin, the good planner that she is, followed up on my preparations for my surprise. She asked if I intended to push through with the AVP because she had to ensure that we had a projector and screen. I had to let Yin know what I was up to and I needed some form of positive pressure on myself so that I had no choice but to work on it until I finished. Yin encouraged me on and even volunteered a friend if I really needed a male singer when the time came.

Josh

Through e-mails, short IM chats or quick phone calls, Josh and I were able to constantly get in touch with each other over the year. At first, I had simply asked him to sing two songs for us during the reception. Later, I asked if there was any chance he could help me with the song I wanted as a gift for my bride. He gave a resounding yes.

The first song I wrote was trash. I liked the bubbly melody but the lyrics were downright ugly. I sent the lyrics to Josh anyway. When I was still with the Kapuso Network, Josh and I had thought of collaborating on a movie script. We agreed we didn't want it to be mediocre; we wanted it to be great! I wondered, what did he think of what I sent him?

My friendship with Josh didn't happen overnight. It was work that initially brought us together. But we had somehow nurtured the relationship with coke light sessions and email exchanges. When he invited me to watch one of Musicworx's concert, I didn't pass up the chance to see what kind of work they were doing. Finally gaining a bit more understanding of what Musicworx Ministry was all about, I was a amazed at what I saw. There I learned for the first time that Josh was a very good singer. It was also there where I first met Pastor Jups, unknown to me at that time that he'd play an important part in one of the most important days of my life.

The Tumble

I was frustrated with my first attempt and couldn't tell anyone about it. But I realized I still had a little time left to redeem myself. I tried to think of a way on how I could make progress. A paraphrased version of one of my former boss's favorite expressions in NMI echoed in my head, "One step backward, two steps forward."

I remember hearing from somewhere that songs are like poems, only that they have melody. I had written poems in another lifetime, encouraged by a classmate named Julius Caesar who wrote poems in his notebook. As for the melody, I had come up with a few of my own inside my head but how to transcribe them into something I could keep, I didn't know. Plus, my vocal chords didn't have what it took to deliver them.

I couldn't make up my mind about coming up with another song so I decided to postpone the decision. Instead, I decided to write a poem first. One that was not necessarily serious but one filled with hidden meanings. It was easier for me to do that sort of thing when I was I was beset with squalling emotions, either under extreme sadness or joy. I don't know about other people, but for me, the negative energies seem to find their way to the tip of my pen more easily than the positive ones. (I know it doesn't always have to be that way so I'll keep trying.)

I gave myself three days to work on it: one day to scribble garbage, one day to sift through the trash and another day to turn it into something acceptable. The train ride to the office took 45 minutes, so I wrote on my notebook, spilling ink, trying to get blood flowing to my fallow brains while my soul traveled back in time. I worked the words in my head while walking, eating and waiting for the elevators in the DBS towers. I eventually finished the entire thing in Gloria Jean's during my coffee break. This is what I came up with:

Gap In The Map

A road we had travelled
The view we had marveled
The ink has long faded
Just as my soul, jaded
But the road is there
With the love I still bear

Your grip was strong
But your spirit weak
The path was steep
And the ravines deep
The fog was thick
No guide, no sign
No lighted wick
As your hand held mine

A journey worth making
Risk worth taking
That adventure together
On the way to forever
But your fear was stronger
I left no sooner
There’s a gap in the map
A void in my heart

The Labor

Exactly eighteen days before the wedding, Yin asked me if i was ready with the AVP. I said it will get done and will only be three to four minutes in length. Not knowing if she forgot about the song, I told her I had already found the perfect guy to sing it for me. I couldn't tell her about the minor problem of not having a song to sing.

We had several exchanges of e-mail until the next day. She was trying to convince me to sing it during the bridal march. So that night of May 22, I set to work on the new lyrics. This time, picturing my bride during her march to the altar. With eyes closed, I finished the first stanza in a few minutes. About an hour later, I finished half of the first chorus plus I had a melody, which I recorded on my laptop so I wouldn't forget. I worked until 2 a.m. but made very little progress after the first quick ones.

Less than seven hours later, I was on the MRT on my way to work. I didn't waste any time. I opened my notebook and scribbled a few lines. I was determined to finish what I had started. My problem was that the words didn't flow out easily as they did the previous night.

One day at a time, I felt my redeeming opportunity slip. I still didn't finish my surprise when it was just ten days before our scheduled flight home. The stanza that in the end I had to remove proved to be the most difficult. Five days before the wedding, I sent the lyrics and the melody I recorded to Josh, praying for a miracle.

The first of several miracles happened that same night. Josh was online and I was able to chat with him.

Michael: am listening to your song now
wondering why you are whispering

. . .

Michael: it's hard to identify your melody

. . .

Michael: ok i will work on this and send you a copy soon
i will ask pastor jupz to help me arrange it

A Welcomed Respite

I slept for about two hours after chatting with Josh and packing my bags. Another four hours and we were in our own country. It was a long day, filled with various activities related to the wedding.

The next day, I lay low from Joanne's radar and was able to visit The Network. The first person I tried to find was Josh not only because of the song but also because we haven't seen each other quite a while. Over the years, I have learned that people we spend a lot of time with have a profound impact on us. There are a number of them who are just great to be with. Their positive attitude rubs off on us and so do their intelligence, values and beliefs; we absorb them all via osmosis. For me, Joanne is one of those people. But so is my dear friend, Josh.

I was unable to reach him on his cell and the burly man guarding the entrance to the News Department looked like he wasn't having a good day so I didn't try to find Josh in his office. I went to the New Media office, my own family in The Network, where a number of those great people I was talking about abounded. Some of them have actually left for good yet kept constant communication with those who chose to continue the battle for greater glory.

I was happy to see the NMI people and they seemed glad to see me. I had several quick chats with many of them and I took the opportunity to get their assurance that they were attending the wedding. Aside from the song, I also needed to finish the AVP. I needed a piece of software to trim the songs. When I mentioned this to Ronald, he said he had a demo copy of one that could do the job. Problem solved.

When I was saying goodbye to 2ns, I mentioned I still had to get the software from Ronald and revealed I still had some work to do with the AVP I was preparing.

"Why didn't you tell me before? I could have helped you. I've done it for several of my college friends!"

"Well, I think I still need some help," I replied.

We decided it was best that he help me with the intro. I was relieved; I didn't want to burden him too much and I didn't want him to spend too much time trying to help me during office hours. He asked me to show him some of the prenup pictures and a few moments later he found what he was looking for along with the idea on how he wanted the intro to be executed. With that, I shared his desk in his office for a few hours that afternoon.

Judd, the cool President, walked into 2ne's office in the middle of it all. We had a chat and I showed him the prenup pics. He invited me for a night out with them later that evening. He wanted to sponsor a sort-of-bachelor-party for me.

I was in Music Match with them until about 2 a.m. It felt good to be in the company of friends. It also gave me a rare opportunity to sing in public, a chance to prepare for an act that could be considered despicable, were it not for the right reasons, were it not done for love.

Speaking of rare opportunities, there was one I had been looking forward to during the six years I had been with NMI. That night, it was my first time to hear Joan sing. She had been keeping us company in our numerous KTV sessions but had always turned down everyone's request to sing at least one song. As everyone cheered her on, I sat there thinking I had no excuse not to deliver both the song and the singing. Joan must have known she was making us happy for fulfilling our long-time wish. I also thought about Mic and her rendition of Buttercup, and how we laughed and cheered every time. How we loved Mic for her courage and great attitude! I realized that perhaps, If I pulled it off, maybe I could give my bride another thing to be happy about.

The Birth

At 9 p.m. the next day, I came to see Josh. I picked him up from the Kapuso Network and we had dinner at Jay-jay's Inasal in Timog Ave. As we waited for our food to arrive, he asked me about the wedding preparations and I told him I was working on the AVP.

Next thing I know, Josh was taking his PowerBook from his bag. He couldn't resist showing me how easy it was to do that sort of thing using a Mac. I was once a Mac user myself and I would have preferred remaining one were it not for the unavailability of MS Project and MS Visio for the operating system.

Josh also brought up the song as a topic, saying that this was his task for the night. During the ride to his place, he let me listen to the recording I had sent him, which gave me a very good laugh because I finally understood what he meant. I was sure it was loud enough when I played it on my laptop before I sent it to him. So, he wanted me to sing it to him right there to make it easier for him to pick up the tune I desired.

I parked the car in front of his apartment and proceeded to sing the song. After about a minute, Josh quickly decided it was better to see Pastor Jups with me and finish the whole thing that night. It was a few minutes past 11 p.m.

Pastor Jups greeted us with a warm smile as we entered his apartment. I felt right at home perhaps because of the nonchalant way Josh said we needed help and the unquestioning way Jupiter accepted it. I didn't see any hesitation on his face or his movements, as if the help I needed was a common favor people asked.

Josh and Jupiter immediately went to work. I only had to sing parts of the song a few times before Josh and Pastor Jups took over and overhauled the melody. Pastor Jups gave life to the lyrics with the music he produced from his piano so effortlessly while Josh's powerful tenor voice reified the feelings conveyed in the song. Watching the two work together and listening to the magic they produced was beyond spectacular. It was difficult not to be amazed. I could not keep myself from calling Yin at that very unholy hour to let her know the good news and share with her my delight.

It was over in a few minutes. The last obstacle was the bridge, but that too was not much of a challenge for the dynamic duo. As I rode home that night, I kept playing the song on my laptop over and over until I got to our house in Binangonan. Everyone at home that next morning had to bear with me while I listened to it the entire day.

The Final Hurdle

Da Capo agreed to accompany me during the bridal march. The problem was they didn't have the time to figure out the song for there was no notation, and we wouldn't be able to get together to practice. We had two options. The first was to record Pastor Jups playing the piano. The other was to have him accompany me while I sang it.

I didn't want to bother Josh and Pastor Jups after the help they had already given me. But I had no choice; I had to ask for their help once again. That night before the wedding, I called Josh to inform him of my predicament. It was midnight when I was finally able to reach him.

"Okay, I'll let Pastor Jups know. Don't worry about it. Just get some rest."

Josh arrived in Mango Farm early that day. Pastor Jups had prepared two versions of the music -- the original and a slower one. Josh asked me which version I preferred. I couldn't risk bungling what I had practiced alone in the car for two hours the previous night so I chose to stick the original version. Josh even brought with him his iPod and a pair of speakers so I could practice and as a backup in case the CD he prepared didn't work.

We looked for an isolated spot in the Mango Farm and found one behind their office. This was my final practice. Once I was in front and the music played, there were no second chances. I thought about my experience with the G-Max reverse bungee in Clark Quay; where there was no turning back once they pushed the button and you were hurled 60 meters into the air at speeds of up to 200 Kph with a force of about 5 gs; where you stood no chance of stopping it even if you screamed your lungs out and wished it with all your heart; where you had a choice between holding your breath, risking a heart attack and enjoying the ride, letting it all out.